Category: Reflections
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🌀 Naming What I Am
I’ve been circling around my own sexuality for years. Words like bisexual, demi, pan, queer, they all touch parts of me, but none of them hold me fully. What I keep coming back to is this: my desire is bound up in kink. It’s not an add-on. It’s not a hobby. It’s the orientation itself.…
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Naturism and me
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🌿 Naked Truth Clothes feel like a barrier.They carry weight, texture, friction.I am not calmed by pressure or bulk.Warmth, yes. Layers, no.I feel most honest when there is only air on my skin. 🧩 Sensory Freedom Naked, my body can breathe.No seams biting, no waistbands nagging, no fabric dragging across nerves.Silence where the chafe used…
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Unmasked Reality
🌑 Facing the AbsurdThe world is cruel.Violent. Irrational. I see that clearly now. For years I tried to explain it away. I told myself there was order, that if only I pleased enough people or shrank myself small enough, I could avoid notice. But the world is not orderly. It never was. Camus wrote about…
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Relationship Patterns
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🔁 Old HabitsI am a recovering people-pleaser. I have spent much of my life saying yes when I meant no. Trying to be good. Trying to be easy. Trying to avoid disappointment, rejection, or conflict. That is not true consent. It is trauma. It is masking. It is survival. I need help to stay honest.…
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Speaking and Processing
🗣️ In ConversationReal-time conversation is not easy for me. I can lose my train of thought. I can jump backwards. I can go silent while I search for words. I might understand you, but I need a few seconds before I respond. I might forget parts of what you just said. None of this means…
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Dyslexia
🔠 How I See WordsI am dyslexic. That shapes how I read, write, and process language, especially under pressure. My brain sees the world in shapes and emotions more than in straight lines of text. I often know exactly what I mean, but getting it into the right words takes effort. Sometimes what I write…
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Communication
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📞 The StruggleI hate the phone. It demands instant words, instant presence, and instant answers. On the phone, I cannot read people. I cannot see their reactions. It is faceless, emotionless. I am easily misunderstood, and I do not understand them either. Speaking feelings out loud is the hardest of all. When I am overwhelmed…
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What Reciprocity Means to Me
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🕰️ The Old Pattern For most of my life, I mistook people pleasing for love. I thought that if I gave more, worked harder, and took on more responsibility, I would finally earn the care I longed for. I became steady, loyal, patient, and giving, but the balance was never there. What I got back…
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🌿 Escapes, Masks, and Medicine
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CigarettesI was given my first cigarette at seven years old. Soon, I was buying packs of Marlboro at the corner shop with money from washing cars or selling things. Smoking was a stim, though I did not know it then. It calmed me, numbed me, and gave me a mask. I smoked on and off…
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📜 Past, Present, Future
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There are parts of me I have never hidden, and parts I have kept buried. If you are reading this, I want you to see it all. Not as a mask, not as a story to impress, but as the truth of who I am and where I stand. 🌑 The Past I was sexualised…
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🌈 Gender, Attraction, and Power
🫀 What Draws Me InMy attraction has never been about gender alone. I call myself pansexual because what draws me in is not body shape but the way someone carries themselves, the authority they hold, and how they choose to use it. If you have that dominance in you, I will ache for you. It…
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Body Hair
🪒 The Way I Keep MyselfBody hair is a sensory issue for me. I do not like having it on my own body, so I keep myself smooth or trimmed. I shave my chest, butt, cock, and balls completely. My face is always clean-shaven. I trim my arms, legs, and armpits right down with clippers.…
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My Neurodivergence and Submission
🧠 Living with AuDHDI am late-diagnosed autistic with ADHD, and I am also dyslexic. For most of my life I did not know this. I thought I was failing at things other people found easy. I masked constantly. I smiled when I was confused, laughed when I did not understand, agreed when I was lost.…
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Where It Began: The Ice Pirates
🎥 The Scene That Marked MeIn 1984, when I was 7 years old, I saw a film called The Ice Pirates. It was a comedy space adventure, but one scene changed me forever. In it, men are strapped to a conveyor belt. They are stripped, shaved, examined, and processed like cattle. At the end of…